When I first started my business, I was very fortunate to go straight into a high-level Mastermind. I was with amazing women who were way ahead of me in business. I’d hear them talk about comparisonitis and thought I didn’t have that affliction.
I never felt those sick to your stomach feelings resulting from thoughts that told me they were better than me, they were more successful than me, they had more clients than me, they had more PR than me, they were more eloquent, had a bigger audience, more engagement, bigger launches, better conversion rates, more travel, better connections…….the list goes on and on, do you recognize any of it?
It wasn’t until two years down the line that I began to have those thoughts and feel those feelings. I was able to be compassionate with myself about how naive I’d been to think ‘I don’t have or do that.’ I’d escaped it for so long because I knew it was ridiculous to compare myself to these women who’d been in business for years and I was only just starting out. So I didn’t. Simples.
Fast forward 2 years though. I’d begun to meet other solopreneurs who’d started out when I had. They were way ahead of me in business, and hired successful six figure coaches who then shared that they had 6 figure revenue in their first year. Gradually the comparisonitis seeped in. Frankly, it’s a horrible insidious state of being which began to rob me of my joy.
The longer you stay in it before addressing it, the harder it is to pull yourself out of it.
In the early stages a quick reframe or word of wisdom such as ‘Don’t compare the beginning of your journey with the middle of theirs,’ can be enough to shift you out of it.
Or some journaling, or some eft tapping, or any other mindset shifting tool you have in your toolbox. Grab my free lift-off process here, for another one if you don’t have it already.
But if you allow it to fester, it can lead to chronic feelings of ‘not good enoughness,’ disappointment, frustration, anger, resentment, and depression.
I didn’t get as far as depression. However, I certainly felt those other negative feelings recur fairly chronically for a number of months.
Believe it or not, I’m now delighted that I went through that because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have discovered the process I’m about to share with you.
It came to me in a flash of inspiration during a guided journaling session with Carol Brennan. Not only has it given me a super quick tool to knock comparisonitis on the head, but it’s also enabled me to manage all manner of challenging situations with so much more elegance and ease.
It’s too good not to share! I’d love to hear if you find it helpful, drop me an email to share your experience.
5 easy steps to Transcend Comparisonitis
Whenever we are comparing, we are focusing on what’s different between us and another.
In business comparisonitis, an example might be ‘they’ have more income, followers, engagement, PR, etc, etc, etc than you.
Ok? Let’s start the process. It’ll be easy for the more ‘woo woo’ among you. If you’re new to visualization and hanging out with your source energy, it might take a bit of practice.
Step 1: Notice the resistance you’re feeling as a result of seeking and searching for the differences between you and another person.
Whenever we are comparing, we are focusing on what’s different between us and another. In the business comparisonitis example, it might be ‘they’ have more income, followers, engagement, PR, etc, etc, etc than you. Take this a step further and you’ll realize that whenever you feel bad about another person, for any reason, it’s because you’re focusing on how they differ from you. It can be in thought, behavior, or values.
Step 1 is just a case of noticing the resistance, the not-good feeling aimed at another, or aimed at ourselves as a result of comparing to another.
Step 2: Hold yourself in the deepest compassion and appreciation for the work you are willing and/or eager to do.
Comparisonitis is a tough place to be. It doesn’t feel good and we need to show ourselves compassion that we’re experiencing it and appreciate that we’re willing to acknowledge it and work with it in order to move forward and let it go.
Step 3: Throw out the differences.
In your mind’s eye (close your eyes if it helps) see the person you’re comparing yourself to at that moment standing next to you. See ALL the differences between you and them. Take your time. Then metaphorically imagine collecting all the differences and screwing them up to create an imaginary ball of all the differences. Then throw it away. You can chuck it out the window, throw it on the floor, launch it into space, burn it, whatever works for you, just temporarily get all the differences between you and them out of the picture.
Step 4: Draw that bright soul close.
Now picture that person standing in front of you. See them, just for a moment or two without the differences. Focus on their heart and the light which shines from it.
Step 5: Appreciate the sameness in them and you.
Notice that without your differences, you can begin to see the commonalities.
That you both need to eat and drink and sleep. That you both live in a world where the sun rises and sets, where the moon travels around the earth. That when you look upon a clear night you can both see the stars.
That you both do what you do because you want to feel better, more steady, more connected, more confident, more empowered, more you.
You can begin to feel the harmony, the parallels, to see the resemblance, the kinship, to feel the affinity, the connection.
In your mind’s eye see the potential, we’re just talking potential and possibilities here, there’s no need to go and take action on it – of collaboration, co-operation, co-creation, friendship, warmth, light, energy, excitement, stimulation, love, the bigness of those possibilities and potentials when we choose to consciously let go of the differences.
Bask here for as long as feels good. Be easy about it. There’s no need to try to stay for ages, you can come back anytime you like. It’s the continuous movement between states of comparing and not comparing that brings life force and inspiration through you. It’s that movement that is taking you toward your wildest dreams. Who thought that comparisonitis is something to be celebrated?!?!?
With a bit of practice, this simple process can take you from debilitating comparisonitis, to empowered, aligned, seeing through the eyes of source/soul/inner being/god/everything that exists kind of mojo. Who doesn’t want that?
You’ll also discover that you can use the process whenever you’ve got the hump with someone, or are really pissed off or angry with someone, if you’re disappointed with someone or even outraged by someone.
Going through the process will take you to a better feeling place. It’s not about them, it’s about you regaining your balance, ease, and resonance.
If you have any questions do drop me a line. If you try the process do let me know how you get on and if you get stuck anywhere along the way. I’m here to help!
I’d also like to invite you to come and hang out in my free Facebook Group. There’s a ton of support to help you achieve your goals and turn your dreams into your lived reality. It’s called Get Accomplished With Heather Group. I’d Love to see you there.
Photo credit Chris Yang on Unsplash