Beating yourself up about ANYTHING is a sure-fire way to keep you stuck and procrastinating.
Self-Inclusivity is about learning to be inclusive of ALL aspects of yourself. Even the parts you find more challenging to accept. It’s a quick and simple way, (if sometimes a little challenging!) to get to a better feeling place where you can feel the progress you are making.
We all have parts of ourselves which we perceive as negative. It might be the part which has us procrastinating. Maybe the part that has us hiding, what about the part which is always doing things at the last minute. Perhaps the part that always puts WAAAYYY too much on our to-do list. We have endless parts of ourselves which we can choose to perceive as negative. It’s understandable, society has deemed these things negative, we find these parts stopping us from getting the things done that we want to do. We see them as holding us back, keeping us stuck. We want to banish them, get rid of them so that we can move forward and achieve our goals and dreams.
Here’s the thing, beating up ANY part of yourself, even if it seems like an unhelpful part, is like you kicking someone who has fallen down in the street. That ‘unhelpful’ part is actually there for you to keep you safe. Believe it or not, it wants all the things for you that you want for you. It just has a very different way of going about achieving it. It developed coping mechanisms somewhere during your life to try and help you. It’s probably no longer the most efficient way to get you, to where you both want to go.
The Good News.
The good news is you can learn to be self-inclusive. To recognise these aspects of yourself. To see how they are there FOR you, twenty-four-seven. How they will fight for you no matter how exhausted you or they are. To see them as your allies rather than your enemy. When you flick the switch from hater to lover, magic happens. You and this part of yourself begin to fall into alignment about what is the best way to move forward with a project or challenge. You will discover more joy in every day.
5 Easy Steps Towards Self-Inclusivity.
1. Take the time and make the space to see what’s going on with you.
If you’re feeling off, a bit crap, or downright miserable, stop what you’re doing and consciously make a moment to bring some harmony into your life. Go lie on the bed, sit on a comfy sofa, in the garden, go to the beach or forest, where ever allows you to have some you-time.
2. Recognise the part of yourself which you’re not liking very much.
Noticing is the first step. What is it that you are doing that you are not appreciating? Procrastinating? Judging? Playing the victim? Comparing? Feeling ashamed? Hiding? The possible list is endless. Pick one. Close your eyes and feel where it is showing up in your body.
3. Name that part of you.
I have Procrastinating Pearl, Jealous Julie, Victimised Violet, Comparisonitis Cara, Shameful Sarah, & Hiding Harriet among multiple others! You can call them what you like, they can be male, female, or genderless. They can be people or objects, animate or inanimate. Just imagine them as separate from you whilst being part of you.
4. Have a dialogue with that part.
You can do this in your mind, with a journal, with a voice recorder on your phone. Whatever feels easiest, most comfortable or most fun. You can even ask that part of you how they would prefer to communicate. Ask them questions. Why are they showing up for you? What do they want for you? Why do they think their strategy is the best way to achieve that? Treat them as though you would a child or friend. Show them compassion and kindness and they will share so much more with you. Approach it with a curious mind and see what comes up.
5. Thank them.
Thank them for their willingness to commune with you. For their unending willingness to stand up for you – even if they’re doing it in a way that feels like it is no longer serving you. Ask them how you can show your appreciation for them and all their hard work. Show them that you’ve heard them.
And for now, that’s all you need to do. There’s no need to try and change them. No need to try and get rid of them or release them. Just see them, appreciate them, if you can – love them, and see what transpires.
This is a process you can do again and again. If you’re sensitive, you will feel the subtle changes within you. As we see and hear, recognise and acknowledge them, they can begin to display their super positive side. They all have an equal and opposite positive side, and when we listen, they will show it to us.